I See You!

I see you.

“I see you,” said God.

“Prove it,” I challenged.

The sacrifices are worthless.

Danni was outraged! For starters, she resented the hours she spent filing police reports. Then there were the weeks of putting her family in harm’s way because her sister’s abusive husband threatened to show up banging on their door again in the middle of the night. Plus, the excessive amount of money she spent purchasing necessities like clothing and food to replace what Kay’s husband threw to the curb… And now, Kay talks about returning to her abuser! If she does that, all the sacrifices Danni and her family provided for Kay are worthless. Not to mention, Kay will put her life in danger once again.

Frustrated and defeated, Danni boldly approached God with her difficult questions: “Where are you, God? Do you notice what’s happening? Do you see me trying to do your will? Are you going to let her make the same mistake again? Was everything we did in vain?” She got no answers.

I’m right there with Danni! “Where are you, God?”

Can you please throw me a bone?

Last year felt like the most godforsaken year ever! In one 6 month period, we juggled career changes, attorneys and lawsuits, law enforcement debacles, doctors providing contradictory information about life and death situations, good hospitals/bad hospitals, social workers, Adult Protective Services, jails, nursing homes, Medicaid, separation anxiety, PTSD, job loss, fights with loved ones, mourning ones we lost… I’ll stop there for the sake of brevity.

Like Danni, I went to God demanding answers. “Where is justice? How about compassion? What about mercy? Where are you? Do you notice me down here struggling? Can you please throw me a bone?” (Not that I don’t have enough skeletons in my closet, but…)

Prove it!

Every area of life was falling apart, and I was powerless. All I could figure was that God was too busy or I was too insignificant for him to bother with my menial problems. Either way, I was weary and angry. Exasperated and depressed, I pulled away from the world and hid beneath the blankets in bed.

Despite my desire to hole up at home and protect myself, one Sunday I drug myself out to a church service with my husband and daughter.

I don’t know what my pastor’s sermon was titled. I don’t even remember the passage he used. All I remember is the tingling on the back of my neck and the cold shivers down my spine when he said, “God sees you.” He said it again, recounting evidence from scripture. “God sees you.” He repeated, “God sees you.”

“Prove it,” I thought to myself, rolling my eyes. And to my surprise, right then and there, that’s exactly what God did.

The instances poured like rain.

Out of the blue, examples of how God “saw me”overwhelmed me; they poured like rain over a parched, and weary land. They came so fast that I was saturated with instances:

“Your husband is doing work he loves…I see you. You have time to process the insanity of the past few months without worrying about work…I see you. I sent family to stay with you while Alan travels for his new job…I see you. Your children are thriving...I see you. You have brothers to help you…I see you. Your bills are paid…I see you. You have my grace…I see you.”

I was so focused on what God was showing me that I lost track of the church service. Before I knew it, Pastor invited the congregation for communion. I went forward with Alan and McKinley. As our pastor spoke, God continued speaking:

“Here is my body broken for you…I see you (Luke 22:14-20). The stone was rolled away…I see you (Matthew 28:2-10). I sent the Holy Spirit…I see you. (Titus 3:4-8)” Scripture after scripture reminded me that I was not forgotten or forsaken; I was very much seen.

I was an emotional wreck. Some tears fell because of the weight of my problems. But others fell because of gratitude and joy, thankfulness that God saw me, and comfort that I saw God see me.

I couldn’t wait to call Danni to share my experience. As I shared, we cried together, and we prayed for God to show her the ways he is working in her life as He did for me. And He did!

A renewed sense of hope.

Please don’t misunderstand. God didn’t fix Danni’s problem; her sister went back to her abusive husband. He didn’t fix my problems. Actually, some of the difficulties my family faces are likely getting worse as days pass.

Nevertheless, God fixed my eyes. He gave me new lenses to clearly see His hand at work. And with that new vision came a new attitude and a renewed sense of hope.

“I see you,” God said.

“I know! Thank you for not simply seeing me, God! Thank you for allowing me to see you, too,” I responded.

Lord, thank you for your faithfulness. And thank you for the reminders of your presence.

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